I haven’t changed my name yet.
I haven’t gotten my wedding band sized yet. I’m a size 5, and my ring is an 8.
I took the kids I babysit for to Burger King. [Run around in that nasty germ filled play pen thing, kids. It’s Friday, and Liz is ready for the weekend.]
So I’m ordering the food, and getting ready to pay the cashier, when the woman working the fry station walks up to my cashier, whispers in her ear “watch her, she’s looking for a knife.” And then the woman walked away.
The cashier looked at me dumbfounded, and said “do you know her?” And I said “NO. and I’m just looking for fries.”
That’s where I thought it ended. Called Myles. Texted my friends. Do I look like a woman who pulls a knife at BK?
So then before we left, I decided to refill my soda. The cashier was refilling the napkins. I said something to her like “no knife. Hahahaha” and she said “oh Noooo, she said you were looking for a WIFE hahahahah.”
WHAT? So what you are telling me is that this woman saw me, left her fry station, all to warn the cashier that I was a lesbian looking for a wife? She literally said “Watch out!” Like I was going to charm the pants off the BK worker.
I’m wearing a Ducks Unlimited camo baseball hat…but really? REALLY?
I can’t decide if knife or wife was the stranger comment to make.
I was walking out of the grocery store, carrying 4 heavy bags, in the rain…when I did a -over dramatic white person in an infomercial- leg split/fall. [why do they always paint cross walks with slippery paint? That’s just stupid. They should put textured grippy paint there,]
And of course there were about 6 people either coming or going into the store when I did it, so they all came rushing over like “are you okay??!!” To which I replied “HAHAHAHA OF COURSE I AM HAHAHAHA my legs go in completely different directions ALL the time. I was just dropping it low out here in the parking lot. Gettin my dance on. Nothing to see here. Let me just pick up my lettuce and yogurt off the street and be on my way.”
But I’m pretty sure I pulled a muscle in my back. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Remember when you were in middle school and there was that sophisticated formula for figuring out your stripper (or rock star, or gangster, etc) name??
You took the name of your first pet + the name of the street that you grew up on. Mine would be Max Cedar. Hahahaha sooo funny. So cool.
Maybe it was only my school?
Nope. No it wasn’t. Because I just heard an interview with Iggy Azalea on the today show, and they asked her about her name. She says Iggy was her beloved dog who lived until he was 19 years old. And when he died she felt guilty (what?) and so she decided to use his name. So Al Roker asks her where Azalea came from, and she says “it’s the street that my mom lives on.”