Life By Liz

Life By Liz

A look at the life of a girl who loves her husband, is obsessed with her puppy dog, and eats way too much fast food.
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Milk-Bone loves Remy!

losingwins:

My husband said this reminded him of me.

ACCURATE

(via monkeychow)

Oh, but I DID finally go to the eye doctor for the first time in 2 5 years. I was buying contacts on the black market. But then Myles reminded me that we actually have vision insurance (I went too many years without any health insurance that I keep forgetting) and I was entitled to an exam and FREE* contacts. 
So seeeeee, I get shit done. 
*I had to pay $10 for the exam. $30 for the contacts. AND we pay $8 every 2 weeks for the coverage but that’s just boring details.  

Oh, but I DID finally go to the eye doctor for the first time in 2 5 years. I was buying contacts on the black market. But then Myles reminded me that we actually have vision insurance (I went too many years without any health insurance that I keep forgetting) and I was entitled to an exam and FREE* contacts. 

So seeeeee, I get shit done. 

*I had to pay $10 for the exam. $30 for the contacts. AND we pay $8 every 2 weeks for the coverage but that’s just boring details.  

I haven’t changed my name yet.

I haven’t gotten my wedding band sized yet. I’m a size 5, and my ring is an 8.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Wait. I just had to go through my blog and read the things I write. Does this kind of thing happen to me a lot? I did have that run in with the Home Depot guy.

Upon further reflection of my outfit, I realize I am wearing boyfriend jeans, a penn state football hoodie, and a belt buckle with a deer on it. (BUT IM GOING TO THE LUKE BRYAN CONCERT TONIGHT!) And like, holy stereotype.

I’m gonna do my hair, put on a cute top, throw on some makeup, and hopefully I can pick up chicks at the concert!

I took the kids I babysit for to Burger King. [Run around in that nasty germ filled play pen thing, kids. It’s Friday, and Liz is ready for the weekend.]

So I’m ordering the food, and getting ready to pay the cashier, when the woman working the fry station walks up to my cashier, whispers in her ear “watch her, she’s looking for a knife.” And then the woman walked away.

The cashier looked at me dumbfounded, and said “do you know her?” And I said “NO. and I’m just looking for fries.”

That’s where I thought it ended. Called Myles. Texted my friends. Do I look like a woman who pulls a knife at BK?

So then before we left, I decided to refill my soda. The cashier was refilling the napkins. I said something to her like “no knife. Hahahaha” and she said “oh Noooo, she said you were looking for a WIFE hahahahah.”

WHAT? So what you are telling me is that this woman saw me, left her fry station, all to warn the cashier that I was a lesbian looking for a wife? She literally said “Watch out!” Like I was going to charm the pants off the BK worker.

I’m wearing a Ducks Unlimited camo baseball hat…but really? REALLY?

I can’t decide if knife or wife was the stranger comment to make.

I was walking out of the grocery store, carrying 4 heavy bags, in the rain…when I did a -over dramatic white person in an infomercial- leg split/fall. [why do they always paint cross walks with slippery paint? That’s just stupid. They should put textured grippy paint there,]

And of course there were about 6 people either coming or going into the store when I did it, so they all came rushing over like “are you okay??!!” To which I replied “HAHAHAHA OF COURSE I AM HAHAHAHA my legs go in completely different directions ALL the time. I was just dropping it low out here in the parking lot. Gettin my dance on. Nothing to see here. Let me just pick up my lettuce and yogurt off the street and be on my way.”

But I’m pretty sure I pulled a muscle in my back. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This movie was so important to my childhood. I am incredibly sad about the loss of Robin Williams. He was such an incredible man who brought joy to so many. If you are feeling hopeless, please reach out for help.

This movie was so important to my childhood. I am incredibly sad about the loss of Robin Williams. He was such an incredible man who brought joy to so many.

If you are feeling hopeless, please reach out for help.

Myles and I got a MUCH needed getaway to the Jersey shore this weekend.

We were invited by the same friends that had us down last year, and their house is just 2 blocks from the beach in Ocean City (my favorite place in the world, and the beach I have gone to every single summer of my life.)

There were 14 of us staying in a 3 bedroom house with 2 bathrooms. Which might sound terrible, but is actually perfect. We spent our first evening playing card games and drinking beers, and the laughter didn’t stop until 3am. On Saturday morning we got home and drug ourselves for fresh, hot donuts from the boardwalk, and then spent the entire day on the beach and in the ocean. The weather was perfect and the water was warm.

The only not perfect moment was when our friend lost his wedding ring in the ocean…and they haven’t even been married for a month.

Saturday night we made tacos at the house, and hung out on the deck for the entire evening. The funniest part of the weekend was when Myles was one of the first people to pass out (this never happens) and he started talking in his sleep. There are about 5 videos on my phone, and none of us have laughed that hard in a LONG time. The laughter never stopped, and this time it was a 3:30am bedtime.

But we were all up bright and early for a big breakfast on the boardwalk, and then another perfect day spent on the beach. Which included both pizza and ice cream. Both days Myles and I were the last of our friends to leave the beach, and we spent the longest time in the ocean. It’s our happy place!

But all good things must come to an end…and seeing Remy’s little face was enough to make me happy to be home.

Remember when you were in middle school and there was that sophisticated formula for figuring out your stripper (or rock star, or gangster, etc) name??

You took the name of your first pet + the name of the street that you grew up on. Mine would be Max Cedar. Hahahaha sooo funny. So cool.

Maybe it was only my school?

Nope. No it wasn’t. Because I just heard an interview with Iggy Azalea on the today show, and they asked her about her name. She says Iggy was her beloved dog who lived until he was 19 years old. And when he died she felt guilty (what?) and so she decided to use his name. So Al Roker asks her where Azalea came from, and she says “it’s the street that my mom lives on.”

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!